Chaitu... Will power wins the World

A letter to dad, letter to Tai....

2011-03-09T09:51:00.000+05:30

I'm so sick and tired of petty things in life.. So sick and tired of worrying about money at every step.
Spending doesn't feel like spending. Each penny spent feels like a burden and there's no joy whatsoever attached with it even if it is something I've longed to posses or something I badly need.

All my life, you've spent all you've had and all you've not had on me.. But never has there been any satisfaction; and there's a good reason to it. Every single penny spent brings that expression of concern on your face. You say it or you don't and even if you try to conceal it, it's there. The concern as to how you're going to repay the loan you took to buy me that. Before spending, there's a concern as to how you're going to manage to buy that. How're you gonna "arrange" the money for the ration, and for everything else, and after spending, it's the concern as to how you're gonna repay the debts.

How I wish you'd have been much more responsible when should have been.. I know you don't have any regrets about it. But I wish you'd realize what you've put everyone around you through. The lady silently took it all and when she couldn't handle the pressure of her daughter's dreams and her man's restrictions, it messed her up too much to live.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you for anything. Infact, I feel it's been my fault all along. The trouble is that I'm a big dreamer. I dream big things, I wish for big things. When I don't get them, it disappoints me. More often than not, I don't even bother to share those dreams. But I'm sure you read it in my eyes because I've seen the resentment in yours when you couldn't fulfill those unspoken wishes or dreams.

I completely understand that reality is much far worse than my perfect dreamworld. The two worlds would perhaps never be one.

But what hurts the most is the lack of encouragement. For years and years I've tried every bit I could to just help. Help you cope up with life, made a thousand foolproof plans to earn enough to repay all the debts and have sufficient to live life in a bigger and fuller way. And none of those plans worked, and as I said before, for a good reason. One good reason.

Once daddy, just ONCE try saying something in the lines of, " Go ahead my daughter, I have faith in you. This once you won't fail".. Trust me dad, your faith is all I need and I won't fail you. Instead of questioning and cross-questioning and trying your best to put me off, just for Once, try having faith in me.. Sentiments and their expression matter a lot. They really do. How I wish I could convey this to you and my sister.

There are only two people in the whole world that really matter to me and that's in a way the biggest tragedy of my life. Neither of them has a positive outlook towards life and no matter how hard I try to be positive, I'm always put off. ANYTHING good or bad I attempt to do, I always get negative comments, and reasons why it won't work out. Almost always, the field is something they barely know of, I wonder why can't they just tell me to consult someone experienced in the field before treading in rather than giving me a thousand reasons why I shouldn't tread it. Why can't they bother to research a little before making stupid comments.

By now, I'm so sure that they've no faith in me. But since I do in them, I'm sure they must be having a good reason for that. May be, I'm just not worthy of their faith..

If there's such a thing has Lord, he knows how hard I've tried to please you, to do everything I can to get you out of debts, to get US out of debts so we can live life.. Just if SOMEONE had faith in me. Just if SOMEONE would Confidently had faith it me.....

You know what dad, for months before I got my first salary, I'd been thinking about buying myself a pair of floaters because all I had for footwear was a pair of worn out shoes. I didn't go to formal functions because I had nothing to wear and I didn't want to embarrass you. But I never complained. When I started working, I decided to buy a specific pair of floaters that I'd seen in a shop once when I'd been to it with a friend who was shopping. The day I got the salary, I went to the shop but couldn't go it. I just stood there staring inside crying endlessly not knowing what to do. I stood there like a dumb retard. Eventually, I took a U turn and came straight back home and cried to the pillow. I wasn't able to spend that money because I knew there were debts you had to pay. I knew that there was no money for the household expenses. I knew that even if I bought it, I would have the guilt of spending it on something that wasn't a bare necessity for existence. So I bought vegetables and fruits for the week later that afternoon. When you returned home that evening, you yelled at me for buying fruits for they're an expensive bunch of commodities.

You've no idea how suffocating it was. You've no idea how suffocating it still is. There's the burden of guilt of spending that I carry all the while. There's the burden of a big disappointment I'm to you that I carry too.

Certainly more than once in life have I thought about ending it all but never executed anything towards it knowing all too well how much your and Tai's life will be affected by it. So I live. I exist.

And that's all I do.

While I do that, intermittently, I dream and then I try desperately to get us out of this only to be put off by either or both of you and then I keep it all to myself and return to merely existing. As I exist, I have to spend, as I spend, the burden of guilt increases and with it the imbalance..

But I still do exist. With one hope.. that one day, One day, you'll say that you have faith in me. One day you'll have confidence in me......

I hope to see that ray of hope before I cease to exist..

Blank

2011-02-27T22:45:00.000+05:30

Funny thing, until a while back, I was filled with thoughts and expressions that I wanted to pen down.. Now that I'm in front of the computer and on the blogger, I am just blank. Still depressed, but blank.

This is exactly what I've been experiencing from quite a while now.

Will update once I'm not so blank..
Damn it!!

All over again

2010-09-27T11:51:00.000+05:30

I don't quite understand why people perceive "practical mind" as being "cold mind". Let me assure you, there's hell lot of difference between the two. A practical minded person, does have all the emotions and all, the only added thing that a normal being doesn't have is the ability to think clearly without letting emotions get in the way. Doesn't mean that he/she doesn't have emotions, it's just that he/she knows when to let them flow and when to keep them in check. He'she knows how to have a clear thought and an eventual decision.

However, as I said before, it DOES NOT mean that the person has NO emotions. It doesn't mean that you can treat him/her like he/she were your toy. Infact, this would rather more likely invite trouble to you. For the practical mind will say, it happens but will see to it that you realize that YOU are a bloody fool, not me.

Now coming to the difference between cold hearted and practical. Cold hearted is one who doesn't care about emotions, doesn't care what you think or you don't think. That's not the case with the "Practical mind" it thinks rationally, is considerate, but doesn't get overwhelmed by emotions.

Lastly, no person who seems to be practical or claims to be practical is 100% practical, he/she, usually, is just trying to shun the emotions away because of the nature of experience had previously. He/she is just trying really hard to ignore emotions.. Does make him/her look practical, feel practical and behave practically but doesn't mean, from within, he/she IS practical..

Please be careful while dealing with such people... There's a lot more to them than what seems there is outwardly... Don't have to be scared of them.. but think before you make any conclusions and assumptions about them.

Yes, I'm one of those practicals that I just talked about..

Chaitu... Will power wins the World: Mother...

2010-08-18T14:09:00.000+05:30

Chaitu... Will power wins the World: Mother...

Miss you bhai..

2010-04-11T23:50:00.001+05:30

Miss you bhai.. I miss those all day long talks about random things at CCD.. The talks that went on to Ma. Na. Paa. and finally concluded at Bhabhi's chai tapri... and still we would have to pause our talks untill following.. We'd never fall short of things to talk about..

Miss those days; miss my bhai....

Confusion, frustration and eveything like that.

2010-04-06T01:38:00.004+05:30

After a long time am I writing you about my frustration; about something that relates to my past.. When I returned from Baroda this time, a not-so-pleasant news was broken out to me by a friend of mine. this news put all my enthusiasm and optimism down. There are two these people in my life who've been helping me a lot in life and it's about them that he told me about and I am feeling that its the Sanjana thing happening all over again.. I'm not sure about anything anymore.. No, it's not them that I'm doubting, it's just me. I'm not sure or confident about any of my abilities, especially the ability to KNOW people.. I'm just going along with whatever is being told by either of three. I really don't know what's going on. I really don't know which of it is the truth and who to believe.. The only time I've been as confused about people is when my mom talked to me about the realities about Sanjana.. And I defended the wrong person.. Oh lord, I'm so confused... I wish there was someone who could tell me exactly what the hell is happening, someone who could give me a neutral opinion.. I wish Aayee was here to help me out.. * Sigh *

PS: It's not these three people I'm doubting, it's just me. It's just myself and my capability to judge people that I'm doubting...

My Brother.

2010-01-20T23:39:00.003+05:30

For a long long time have I been yearning to have a brother of my own. Now you might be wondering what "my own" would be like. My own brother would be the one who'd stand by me for everything, protect me from life, people and the harshness, the crudeness, and the frigidity that's in it. Someone whom I can look up to and trust blindly on. My tai does all of that too. Knowing how it's like and what I miss a lot, she tries her best fill in for the position and has done quite well too. But what a "Brother" can be/do, only a brother can be/do.

The thing is that, I do have a couple of brothers (maternal and paternal relations) but none of them is as close to me. We meet once in a while, when we do, we have a little too distant casual relations. More of what we call as being acquaintances.

When I was much younger, it was my Sapan dada who was on the throne and I loved him for that.. Eventually, he moved out of town for a lot of years and the contact was broken and from being great friends and pretty much being siblings, we now are just acquaintances too.. Oh, I so miss him!

* Sigh *

Anyway!

So, the point of the whole thing is, I met this one guy a couple of years back. We'd meet on and off at RMO and he was nothing more than just another RMite for me. We'd never as much as exchanged messages or calls. Just by chance if we both would be present at RMO, we'd hang out together with others, if not, it hardly mattered.

The fact was that, it did matter and I certainly would wonder what he's upto if it were his regular time to be at RMO and he wouldn't be there.. But I never realy realized it.

Now, one day, I heard from RMO Public that Stephen (this guy I'm talking about) is planning to move to Pune. (P U N E!!!! WTF! It should rather be me!!! :-| ) And later it was confirmed by him. That was when we got a li'l closer and started talking a li'l more than before.. The theme, but of course, being PUNE. Pune's a city that we both LOVE and we'd talk a LOT about. Amidst it, one day after a few days gap, when I went to RMO, he had disappeared.

A few days down, he appeared online on Gtalk. Now this is where the main story begins. He appeared on Gtalk and we chatted for a while.. This went on for a few days and became our habit.. We'd chat all night everyday and there would hardly be a night when we had nothing to talk about. If either of our net was down or something like that, we'd talk on phone all night. And about any, A N Y crazy topic under the sun. Why under? Perhaps even above the sun! We'd share everything, happiness and sorrows of life and everything else.. Suddenly, we grew so close, that I started to look up to him for almost everything. I'd want his opinion for almost everything and would want to discuss the craziest and wackiest things; things I wouldn't have dared to discuss with anyone else for the sake of avoiding embarrassment or awkwardness or even being proved to be a weirdo, that I am. And trust me, it felt great. It still feels great to talk to him, to share with him. And as I said before, I started looking up to him for everything..

Then one day, I went to Pune too and didn't have much cash on me. And actually, neither did he. Infact, he had many more responsibilities than me. But he'd still meet me everyday. All of those days together, he really and truly made me feel like I just found what I've been looking for all these years. I just found the best brother in him. He did really take care of me like I were his younger sister. Bliss.

It touched. It touched deep. and guess what, my long wait came to the best place in the world and I found one of the most valuable gems in the world. I found a brother, or rather The Brother.

Love ya Stephen!.. Love ya lots bro!!
Don't ever leave me!!

Yours,

Chai

Mother...

2009-03-18T09:42:00.006+05:30

This one, I had written sometime in the beginning of last year in the middle of the night. I wanted to post this here for a long time now, but it didn't happen. Do read each and every word of the under carefully.. I hope this makes a positive difference in your behavior towards your mother..

Mother. That is one and only one being after Father that loves you unconditionally. But, the sadest thing about that fact is that we don't tend to realize it untill she passes away. That just a moment and it all comes to us. We suddenly realize it all. She is there a moment and the next, she is gone, lying lifeless in your arms. Just, just like that. And that is when you suddenly realize how important she had been to you. How much she loved you, cared for you more than anything. How everything she did and said only meant the best for you..

Remember how she eagerly waited for you to return from school and she had been there for you in any and every problem you had. The only person who would cry with you when you cried; who gave you the truest of the advices and all the support that you needed through anything.

Now, try to remember the way you answered to her when she enthusaistically asked you how the party you just returned from was?? The party, by the way, you could go to only because she convinced your father to let you go. Do you remember how she had still forgiven you? Infact, she had forgiven for all the mistakes that you've made, all the things you said, you did. That too knowing that you don't even realise that you have made a mistake, that you went wrong somewhere. You never really bothered too. You just kept disappointing her, leaving her broken by making the same mistakes again and again untill her soul left her body for good. She took it all. Just hoping that One day; One day you'd change, you'd understand, realize. She would tirelessly keep trying to show you the right way or the better way, lead you to a better tomorrow, to show you your mistakes so that you'd learn, be a better person. You just shouted at her for nagging. You just refused to understand it all and kept hurting her endlessly. You would never care much untill you were in deep shit and needed her favour. Then would you be the best daughter in the world untill, well, your work was done. The poor soul..

She would stay awake untill late with you when you were studying so that you don't feel lonely. She would get you hot cup of coffee, refill your glass of water when you were studying just so that thy time was not wasted. What did you do? Gave orders around. She took it all.

She would wake up early in the morning. Why? Because, you had told her to or You had school in the morning. She would try waking you up with all the love in the world, but you'd just keep testing her patience, call her names, and what not for she was Disturbing Thine sleep. Did you ever realize that she slept after clearing your and the rest of the family's mess and worke up before she started to wake you up just so that you are not late to the school? Most of the nights she didn't sleep at all for she was worrying about you. What did she get in return? Thine Sweet curses?

One day would come after a lot of days when she would have completely run out of patience and you would have crossed all your limits. She scolded the hell out of you. You got all the more aggressive and shouted back at her as if it were a shouting competition. To top that, you told her that SHE kept yelling at You all the time!! Is that fair? Eventually, her anger went down to null nad she again forgave you. The next day in school, you and your friends discuss how mean, rude and selfish parents are! Talking about selfishness, do you at all remember how you emotionally blackmailed her to get your way through, to convince your dad to let you go to those movies with friends? The words you gave to her about being serious in studies when you wanted a favour from her and then forget all about it after your purpose was served?

All she expected from you was you study for thyself and be bit more humane towards her. What did you give her? Selfishness, treatment as if she were your servant. The poor soul, alas, took it all. Blamed herself for that telling herself that probably she somewhere went wrong bringing you up.

Suddenly, that one moment comes. . The ultimate moment when she is finally relieved. She leaves the world and your eyes open. You realize. But it's too late; too late to mend; too late to make up for it.. And yet, from wherever she is, she just forgives you for that as well..

Salutation to all the suffering mothers of youngsters like me.

Amen.

Workoholic generation

2009-03-07T06:37:00.004+05:30

May it be proving oneself n his abilities or surviving competition or survival of the family, everyone everywhere has become a workoholic. I ask anyone a simple 'What's up?' and the standard answer I get is 'Nothing much ya, just busy with work.'.. These very same people an year or so back were enjoying life, travelling, socializing, blogging, exploring, adventurous, always in for any fun. Now, no one has a single minute to spare. All they do through the day is go to work, return from work with a laptop over flowing with 'home work' eat work through night go to work the following morning. Weekends? Try to meet the impossible deadlines. May be its just my perspective which goes wrong somewhere or the entire generation has indeed become a bunch of boring workoholics sucked up in the world of deadlines.. Up till now, I haven't had 'work' and have been a 'happy-go-lucky' person for all 20 years of my life, now I'm suddenly scared of what's probably lying ahead. I mean I certainly am not one who'd get sucked up in work so easily.. But so were all the others. Time changes and so do people, they say. There is so much (certainly other than work) that I want to do. Life is too short to waste behind work. I mean, yes, one obviously has to work to survive but not work to death. Again, this is all what I am saying before I face the "job world".. I hope I don't change.. or rather I hope I don't have to change.. I just can not imagine myself in a monotonous routine like that.. I'll just go crazy or wait, become a workoholic? Hope not!..

I certainly want to work for living but not live for working!

Scared to crap!.. Scared of Work...

Chaitu...

Surprise Surprise!!

2009-03-05T22:05:00.001+05:30

A fwe days back, I was pleasantly surprised by a visit from Abhay Dada and Suhas Dada. Mid afternoon sometime, the bell rang, it were these two folks. There were there for sometime. Suhas dada was to leave for Australia the next day. But, I was more surprised when Abhay dada actually complimented Coffee's persence. Up till now, no one other than my friends from RMO has said that its great that I had her home. No one.

When someone is told about her, the first reaction is - arrey baapre, hey kaay navin traas (natak). Then I choose whether to 'let go' or to try to explain the pros of having her around hoping to change their perspective. At times, I succeed but largely, I don't. For a change, to two people, fairly close to me, I did not have to explain and convince them that having her was not a bad idea at all.

Feels great...

The Terrible Terrible Day and Horrible horrible massacre..

2009-03-02T16:32:00.002+05:30

Did you hear/watch about the whole south Mumbai menace?? If you are a human being, I'm damn sure you have. So rather an invalid question. Anyways, that was a terrible terrible massacre. And nothing need be said about it, I mean a lot has been said and my feelings about it are exactly the same as any of you guys! I just hope Mumbai recovers from the trauma soon and atleast this now shakes the national and international political majors and puts them to action towards eradication of terrorism.. I'm sure they do understand how grave the situation has gotten now and like the billions of people round the globe, hope the needful is done..

Salute to the Cops and the forces that bravely fought the terrorists on 26/11. And all the others who sacrifice their family life and everything, absolutely everything for the protection of India and its residents!.. Salute to you all!..

Home, Sweet home

2008-12-01T17:18:00.000+05:30

Yeah, I've moved back here today early morning around 2ish, and that with a car fulll of stuff three to four boxes of books and more that I had accumulated in Pune. A smooth ride that it was, had a good time at wheel. One major improvement, dad wasn't nagging much. Infact he complimented me saying that my driving has improved significantly!.. Yayyy!!.. No, seriously, he did compliment me that.. Something too difficult to achieve :-)..

Anyways, I have finally wound up everything there and moved back home. Now next on list is unpacking all that much stuff in my little abode.. Hope to accomplish that soon!

Ciao

Coffee..

2008-10-02T16:20:00.000+05:30

Its a miracle!.. I finally am an owner of a cute little pup!.. She is a black n tan coloured German Shepard pup just over a month old. Her birthdate is 9th of September and I have named her "Coffee". The name has got nothing to do with her appearance, colour, behavior or likings. Its just that I love her and adore her as much as I love and adore coffee. And if you know atleast a little bit, you'd be dammnedd sure that there isn't anything I love more than coffee!

You have no clue how scared I am of her. I mean I know she wont bite me or something.. But you know, I've never had a pet before and there isn't anyone there to guide me through.. So I'm kind of not sure how to react when she pees in the house or disobeys or something.. In short, I need to train myself to train her. And that, without spoiling her. I'm not sure if I should scold her or not or how to. When she pees inside, I at times scold her a bit and talk to her, explain her that this is not what she should do. I'm not too sure if she understands the explanation or the message though.. I hope the training goes right and harms neither of us!.. Wish me Luck!! and do reply back if you have any sugestions/advices or comments regarding pets, dogs, training or anything related!

Adios..

Yawn

2008-09-18T01:58:00.000+05:30

Okay, now everything is getting real god damn hectic. I leave home some time between 5 and 5.30 in the morning, walk down to Swargate to catch the 6am bus to college. college goes on till 3pm followed by aptech at Camp from 4pm till 6pm followed by Math class in Katraj at 7 and I return home around 10ish.. hang out with friends for some time, do the homework and studies or whatever and/or doze off to wake up really early. That is all that is up. Also, now we don't have Saturdays off in College any more :'( ... though I don't have any classes so there is atleast a bit of relaxation there. Sundays are largely devoted to hanging out, catching up with friends and sleeeeeeeeeeping... *Yawn*.. while this has been the most hectic semester of the three, I have really learnt the value of a Sunday in life and I've made the best of every weekend. Also, I have explored a lot of great places in here too!.. Hope things easy down a bit.. :-)

Chaitu..

Updates from Pune..

2008-09-08T18:23:00.000+05:30

Hi peeps, its again been a real long time since I updated ya folks..

So, here's what's happeing around me. I have moved out of the hostel now. I had moved to a beauutiful apartment near Kothrud by the Pune-Banglore highway. It was the most beautiful place, you know? So nice and windy with great view from all windows and balconies. And you know, each room had a french window.. I sooo loved to sit in the window and have my nice cuppa coffee. However, there was one problem there. A Major one; that was of conveyance and especially since my college timings have changed. Besides, it being just off the highway and that being the only means of reaching my place, it isn't advisable to travel after hours. Thus causing high amount of inconvenience. So with tai's help I have finally relocated to an apartment just opposite to her in-laws.

Had a bit of problem there.. Or you can say major problem for the first two nights there. But now, its all fine. The locality is great. The location great too. It is in the heart of the city and yet peaceful and quiet enough for studies. Great place. Great people. I have made a couple of friends here too.. So far so good. I hope things go fine here.. Wish me luck!..

Cheers!

Updates from Sinhgad..

2008-04-14T22:45:00.001+05:30

It has been really really really freaking long since I last published a blog post.. almost an year, I guess..
So now, I'm briefing you up with my life in pune..

By now, I'm fairly settled here.. It took me a while.. or rather too long a while.. but still..

My College is good.. the campus is excellent. and the staff more than helpful and understanding..
I kinda screwed m first sem because of silly reasons and then was saved by my HOD.. then, in my second sem, I was at home 2 out of 3 months resulting into very poor attendance and put me in trouble again.. as if that was less, i met with an accident the day before my internals were to commence. I ended up getting myself badly bruised and a ligament in my left knee injured and thus couldn't give my internal practical exams.. By the time I had almost recovered, my external practicals started and I had to run about increasing the severity of the injury. and now have a thick plaster round my leg.. My practicals got over today (F I N A L L Y ! ! ! !).. Now next is my theory exam which commences from 26th, I believe.. That god damned website won't just open the timetable. Aarrrggggghhhhhh...

Anyways, I sign off for now.. Hoping to update you soon.. and hoping that there would be something that would be worth sharing yet less tragic...

Adios

Down the Memory Line....

2007-04-03T11:57:00.000+05:30

School Chale Hum

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara

YaYyYyYy

2007-02-10T06:49:00.001+05:30

Pinch me! No, Pinch me H A R D!
O U C H!! !! !!

Is it true?? or is it a dream???
Whatever it is, I'm loving it :-)

Yoohoooo!! Yeahhhhhhhhh!!

Tai's here!! Finally!!

Will type in the rest laterzzz.. I'm busy, you see? ;-)

Cheerios

Sarcasm!

2007-02-07T02:58:00.001+05:30

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.
In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!
And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.
Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

HaPpY

2007-02-07T02:51:00.001+05:30

You Are 40% Happy

You're not miserable, but you could stand to be a lot happier.
Focus on what's right in the world, and you'll be happier than you ever thought possible.

How Happy Are You?

Impulsive? Hell, yeah, I am.. n I love it..

2007-02-07T02:20:00.001+05:30

You Are 62% Impulsive

You are impulsive, which at times leads to irresponsibility.
It's hard for you to say no to all but the most insane propositions.
But you could care less. While your impulsive ways have gotten you in a little trouble - they've made for a very exciting life!

Are You Impulsive?

2007-02-07T01:35:00.001+05:30

You Are 35% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.

How Selfish Are You?

2007-02-07T01:33:00.001+05:30

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content.
You value kindness and try to live by your ideals.
You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material.

You respect truth and are flexible.
You like people, and they can readily make friends with you.

What Is Your World View?

Weirdo, I am!

2007-02-07T00:48:00.000+05:30

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Machiavellian

2007-02-07T00:27:00.001+05:30

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Mah Hidden Talent!

2007-02-07T00:14:00.000+05:30

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.
You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.
People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.
When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Mah Life!

2007-02-07T00:13:00.000+05:30

How You Life Your Life

You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good.
You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

EQ! Cooool chhe!!

2007-02-04T07:13:00.002+05:30

Your EQ is 160

Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Seriously though, your whole "Don't Worry, Be Happy" philosophy is really what defines emotional intelligence.
You're warm, open, and very optimistic. You know how to act appropriately, even if you don't feel like it.

You are a good communicator, and you have little difficulty with personal relationships - even when you're dealing with difficult people.
In general, you are successful, capable, together person. You get what you want out of life.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

I'm Open Minded, ain't I?

2007-02-04T07:12:00.004+05:30

You Are 80% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!
Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.
You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting.
You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

A T T I T U D E, Eh?

2007-02-04T07:12:00.003+05:30

Your Attitude is Better than 50% of the Population

You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones.

How's Your Attitude?

C O N T R O L.

2007-02-04T07:04:00.002+05:30

You Are 68% Control Freak

You are a pretty major control freak, though you may not know it.
While your confidence is inspiring, your bossy ways tend to scare people off.

Are You A Control Freak?

Intutions Intutions! Way to gooo!!

2007-02-04T07:03:00.001+05:30

You Are 92% Intuitive

Your intuition is so spot on it's scary!
You can learn a lot about people and situations, simply by listening to your gut.
And you've even wondered if you can predict the future at times.
Just be sure not to always listen to your intuition... someday it could be wrong!

How Intuitive Are You?

Perfectionist, eh?

2007-02-04T06:35:00.001+05:30

You Are 77% Perfectionist

You are a true perfectionist. You are both demanding of yourself and others.
While it's great to have goals and standards, they don't need to be sky high!

Are You a Perfectionist?

So True.. Second born, I am!

2007-02-04T06:27:00.003+05:30

You Are Likely a Second Born

At your darkest moments, you feel inadequate.
At work and school. you do best when you're evaluating.
When you love someone, you offer them constructive criticism.

In friendship, you tend to give a lot of feedback - positive and negative.
Your ideal careers are: accounting, banking, art, carpentry, decorating, teaching, and writing novels.
You will leave your mark on the world with art and creative projects.

The Birth Order Predictor

2007-02-04T06:24:00.003+05:30

Your Career Type: Enterprising

You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable.
Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas.

You would make an excellent:

Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp Director
City Manager - Judge - Lawyer
Recreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales Person
School Principal - Travel Agent - TV Newscaster

The worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Geekology

2007-02-04T06:20:00.002+05:30

Fashion Geekiness: Highest

Music Geekiness: Highest

Internet Geekiness: High

Academic Geekiness: Moderate

Geekiness in Love: Moderate

SciFi Geekiness: Moderate

Movie Geekiness: Low

Nerdy Geekiness: Low

Gamer Geekiness: None

How Geeky Are You?

Severly Depressed!

2007-02-04T05:30:00.000+05:30

Your Depression Level: 84%

You seem to be severely depressed.
You should seek immediate attention from your physician.
Depression can be cured - you just need to take the first step.

Are You Depressed?

2007-02-04T05:08:00.002+05:30

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Nerdy Verdy!

2007-02-04T04:39:00.002+05:30

You Are 44% Nerdy

You may be a bit surprised with this score, but your more of a closet nerd than an actual nerd.
Stop denying your inner nerd! You're truly dorkier than you think.

How Nerdy Are You?

How Peaceful am I??

2007-02-04T04:38:00.002+05:30

You Are 72% Peaceful

You are a very peaceful person. All is good in your world, no matter what's going on.
Occasionally you let your problems get to you, but you generally remain upbeat.
Your inner strength is inspirational - much more so than you may realize.

How Peaceful Are You?

B'day

2007-02-04T01:15:00.001+05:30

Your Birthdate: September 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.
Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.
When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.
It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Blogthings

2007-02-03T19:51:00.000+05:30

I bumped into this "blogthings" while reading shreyas' blog.. Its good, intresting.. Not 100% accurate or true, but good pass time and worth a shot.. I like answering questions as those.. It helps me know myself better, u c?

IQ!

2007-02-03T02:12:00.001+05:30

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Per so na li ty....

2007-02-03T01:50:00.000+05:30

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calmness are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

GOD?!

2007-02-03T01:36:00.000+05:30

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Mah Personality Type

2007-02-03T01:34:00.000+05:30

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

How "Mature" Am I

2007-02-03T01:19:00.000+05:30

You Are 52% Grown Up, 48% Kid

You've grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you're emotionally mature.
You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

"Blog Personality"

2007-02-03T01:09:00.000+05:30

Your Blogging Type is Logical and Principled

You like to voice your well thought out opinions on your blog.
And if someone doesn't support what you write, you really don't care!
Serious and blunt, sometimes people take your blog the wrong way.
But you're a true and loyal friend to those who truly get you.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

All Wrong

2007-02-03T00:54:00.000+05:30

Yes, Everything went wrong today.

Till I slept, everything was going fine. around 8:57 am, I told my dad that I was sleeping and asked him if he could wake me up by 10:30. Even though he gave me an affirmation, I again asked him if he was sure he would wake me up latest by 10:30 a.m. COME WHAT MAY? I got an affirmation again. I'm not sure if I put an alarm on my cell. I was too sleepy and don't exactly remember if I did. Just while I went to sleep, I received Sanika's text. I read it but postponed the replying till I would wake up. I went off to sleep.

The next moment I know, I was wide awake. I suddenly woke up and looked at the watch to know it was freaking 2 PM!! G O S H!!! I wasted 5 fucking hours!! I was sooo damn pissed and furious at my own self. Of course furious with dad. But not all that much 'cause I know that he must have tried his best to wake me up. But, damn it, how in the hell can I just doze off like that! I was soo damn furious that I couldn't just collect myself and get to work. I brushed my teeth got ready and all. I Started studying. But I just wasn't able to concentrate. I hate it so much when I don't wake up on time. I came online. Checked scraps, replied few. Had a chat with Amruta. But still I couldn't just get out of anger.

I went back to studies. Studied till something like 7:30. I mean I had the book open in my hand. I was reading. But nothing really went inside my freaking brains. And yet I consciously knew that I was wasting whole day 'cause of it and best would be to chuck it off and get over it.

Finally, I was bored. I decided to go to RMO. Meeting friends would help me change my mood and study at night. I called up Amit and asked him if he was going. He was. I told him I'll come after some time. "Some time" turned out to be an hour. It took me an hour to finally decide to go there. I wanted to go but as always, I was too lazy to drive all the way there. So, I got ready and started. On the way I picked up dad's cell and gave mine to the cellphone repairer. I went to RMO only to discover that no one was there. All of them had probably left early today.

It was past 9:15. I decided to go to Brewers instead. That is one place I sincerely like to go. There is no one to disturb and I get time to collect myself, compose myself and after I'm alright, return home. I went there, checked the cell and saw a 'missed call' from tai and sent her a text that I was driving and thus didn't notice the incoming call. I went in the cafe, talked a while with Ankur. Sat at the particular table and ordered some coffee. I was sipping the coffee, thinking about the day. Gathering self. Talking out to myself. When the cell rang. Tai.

I sooooo much hate to be disturbed when I'm out in the evening. That is the time when I don't want tai or baba or bhupendra or anyone else to talk about anything back home. I don't want my home or anyone related to be near me. I want that time for MYSELF. A couple of friends pulling each other's legs or discussing on general current affairs, movies, TV or silly gossips. But a " N O " about life, problems, studies, health or other issues of concern. And THAT is when Tai "L O V E S" to ping me. I must have told her "n" number of times "N O T " to call me when I'm out. but I guess I've not conveyed it properly. She started with the regular stuff. Asked me about when I'd be returning home. Then about studies. And everything else I DID NOT want to talk about. But then I couldn't open my mouth and tell her to just hang up. So I kept answering her questions controlling my anger. Finally, the conversation ended. I resumed to reading the newspaper and sipping the coffee. And, to my thoughts too. But now, I was too furious to think anything positive. Some more time and the glass of coffee was empty. I paid off the bill. Said a bye to Ankur and left.

Still, the furious thoughts clouding in my mind.. Trying hard to push the fury away, I started thinking positive.. Its 6 days to go! Tai is coming here on 8th. Isn't it so funny, I'm eager to receive her and thus am waiting for those 6 days to pass by really fast. At the same time I want those days to go as slow as they can so that I can complete maximum syllabus till then.

But fury didn't seem to get off so easily.. Then I remembered that she is going to be around only for three months. I have been craving for company. Six days and I'll have it. Time will fly and I'll be alone again! Damn! Just when I'd be used to having company. Someone around me, I'd be all alone again. Why is it that when I learn to be lonely, someone comes to wipe away the loneliness and when it is near wiped, I'm all alone again? I get the freedom. Learn to control self. Start getting independent and the freedom disappears. I've to be dependent again.

From the day she comes, my schedules, routine, targets are to change tremendously. I'm not used to that. Since last two years. I've been living alone and yet not so alone. Now I'm to live in a company. How am I to deal with it? And it is quite obvious that we, myself and tai gonna end up quarreling every other day. I don't want that. I don't want her to be sad. I don't want dad to be sad. But how am I to explain them that I'm not the same Chaitrali. I don't want to be a goody goody girl. I don't want to keep pleasing everyone else and hurting myself so much. But at the end of the day, I know I just wont be able to please myself. I know I don't have the capacity to put my pleasure first. But how am I going to avoid all those fights and quarrels between me and tai, between tai and dad? Why can't things just be??

I visualized episodes after episodes of fights, quarrels, arguments.. all possible reasons for them and all possible things that I am sure going to happen. I visualized the episodes of the moments we, myself, tai, baba spending "quality" time together.. Just a blink of an eye and all will disappear. All those good moments will become a past and it will be time for tai to leave for Canada. At the thought of these, I just couldn't help but cry. Before I knew, I had reached home. Wasn't yet "alright" though.

The moment I entered, dad started grumbling about things. I didn't eat my lunch in the afternoon. I consume a Lot of caffeine these days. and blah blah blah. Why can't a person just take a chill. I still fail to understand why he has to keep grumbling and nagging every moment we are together. As much as I crave for company, I try to be as much away as I can from him. 'cause again, from the moment we meet till the moment we depart, all my ears going to get is nagging. My already disturbed, upset, frustrated and furious mind got yet more disturbed, upset, frustrated and furious. I answered nothing. Listened to all that he said.

He called me for dinner. I was anything but hungry. I have to take caffeine to keep myself awake for long hours and caffeine kills appetite. WHY can't he understand that??? Why has there to be a problem in E V E R Y T H I N G I do?? Am I ALL WRONG?? So the nagging starts again. Because I always skip meals.

Finally, to avoid the nag and everything else, I got a plate angriliy, served myself and came to the computer to eat my food. Cell rang, it was Tai. She had told me earlier while I was at brewers that she wanted to talk to dad. So I handed the cell to him. I don't know what work she had or what they talked about it. It is none of my business. Now, the other day, tai had told me not to consume much of milk as it healthy for the illness I suffer from. That was the reason I gave to dad for drinking black coffee. Dad asked about it to tai and discussion about "how chaitrali misbehaves. Or rather doesn't do this and doesn't do that. or does this, does that started. I kept my mouth shut. The cell was passed to me. I answered the questions and it went back to dad. I have no clue what further conversation took place on the phone. As I said before, it is none of my business..

I finished my food. Resumed to my studies. Yet couldn't stop my mind from thinking about what I've just written and concentrate on what I was studying. Thus this blog post.

And yet I know, they scold me, nag me, grumble, for my good. Tai calls me, to see I'm fine cause she cares for me. I also do understand that she doesn't deliberately call me at the wrong times or rather at a time when I don't want to be disturbed. It just happens to be so. And I do understand that.
BUT sometimes, it goes overboard. And that is when All goes Wrong..

Cheerios.

Hmm..

2007-02-02T16:19:00.000+05:30

Bored, Tired, Frustrated, Irritated, Furious, Helpless of being alone.

Private Emotions

2007-01-29T15:24:00.000+05:30

Private Emotion Lyrics
performed by Ricky & Meja

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
And it shines on you, baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me

CHORUS
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me
Come to me, come to me,
come to me..

When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street
Well it runs both ways, open up your eyes
Can't you see me here, how can you deny
oh...

CHORUS 2
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me

Come to me, come to me

Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray
It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here untill your tears run dry

CHORUS 3
It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us
As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it
Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me 3x

come to me, come to me....

Not particularly a fan of Ricky Martin but I totally love this song!!

50 Things about me......

2007-01-27T15:17:00.000+05:30

I came across this thing on a friend’s blog and thought of doing a similar putting up a similar post on my blog too. 50 Questions which I'll answer.. This might help you understand me better.. and me understand myself better too ;-)

1. Were you named after anyone?
Partially. My mom named me "Chaitrali." A very logical thing she'd thought. The "Cha" of my name comes from my grandfather's name "Chandrakant" and "ali" comes from my sister, Deepali's name making it Chaitrali :-)

2. Do you wish on stars?
Umm.. Yes.. I don't quite believe in it, but don't want to let a chance off my hands, just in case it comes true!! :-)

3. When did you last cry?
Don't quite remember. But it was cause I was fed up of being alone..

4. Do you like your handwriting?
Depends.. hehe.. I, as such have a good hand when I'm writing at a leisurely pace.. else I've a really really bad hand writing.. hehe

5. What is your favourite meat?
Chicken.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
None! I have loads of music CDs, 20-30 movie CDs and software CDs.

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
I'm not quite sure but mostly yes. I'm good to friends and bad to myself. I'm extremely moody and pretty choosy about friends.. Not always a good girl, I am.

8. Are you a daredevil?
Yea, but I take calculated risks. I'm shit scared of heights.. hehe.. It also depends on my mood..

9. How do you release anger?
Not many people have seen my wilder part. I usually don't get angry easily, but when I do, no one that comes in front of me escapes the fury.. hehe.. but again, it depends, I'm most of the time alone and there is no way to spit it out on someone, so major times, the fury is directed on me itself. I do tend to talk to myself or scold/curse my own self :-(

10. Where is your second home?
The house at Raopura. Yea, that is the place where I've grown up and that is where I find peace.

11. Do you trust others easily?
Usually not. It rather depends on many factors, like how, when, why and under what circumstances I met the person. I like to analyse people's words, actions and expressions and only when I'm satisfied, I trust.

12. What was your favourite toy(s) as a child?
A doll which a cousin sister of mine, Vrushali, had gifted me on my first birthday :-) , cars and bikes..

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
12th.

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Yes, not frequently though. Only when I'm really really pissed on someone and talking straight off won't work..

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Nope.

16. What do you look for in a boy?
Honesty, love, care, respect for me and a good sense of humour.

17. Would you bungee jump?
Yeahh!! Well, as I mentioned before, I'm shit scared of height, but even while I'm scared, I'd sure love to give it a try.. I know I'm gonna be shiverring and may be crying tooo (hehe) and I'm gonna yelllll with fear.. But still, I want to try.. lolzz..

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Usually yes.

19. What's your favourite ice cream?
It keeps changing.. Chilly, Roasted almond. Coffee and Vanilla are my all time favorites.

20. What are your favourite colours?
Black, violet, pink, baby blue, crimson and light brown.

21. What are your least favourite things?
Leafy vegetables, cricket, soaps on TV, snobs, not having anything to do.

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
No "crushes." :-)...

23. Who do you miss most right now?
My mom who is no more. My better half and my elder sis both being abroad.

24. What are you listening to right now?
Green Day. Thanks to my friend, Kshitij, I'm having good music to listen to :-) and thanks to him, I'm fallen in love with music ;-). Though I don't yet understand it much.

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Baby Pink. I like its softness. or Green, green shows life, liveliness :-).

26. What is the weather like right now?
Its bit cold, windy and cloudy. I kind of hate this kind of weather.. I makes me feel dull and drowzy. Also, this isn't the time of the year for a cloudy day..

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My Dad. He'd called up from work to remind me to have my lunch..

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Attitude, Personality, Dressing sense, Language.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
Yea. I copied it from my friend Arudhati's blog.

30. How are you today?
I think I'm okay. Utterly bored studying the same ol' books. Eagerly waiting for my exams to come and go!

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Coffee (I'm addicted to it!), Lemon juice, Pepsi.

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Rum, Vodka and Champane.

33. Natural hair colour?
Black

34. Eye colour?
Dark Brown.

35. Wear contacts?
Nope.

36. Siblings?
I've an elder sister. Mrs. Deepali Medhekar.

37. Favourite month?
March as exams are in it, yeah its quite an experience, I luv to laugh at myself how damn tensed I was hehe.. I like June and August, for rains, September for its the month I came to this world :-). And, I like January, for it is the first month of the year, everything starts afresh.. new resolutions, renewed energy :).

38. Favourite food?
Nothing specific.. anything that has less amount of leafy vegetables.. But I like brownies, cakes and other baked stuff..

39. Favourite day of the year?
1st Jan, 6th Jan, 14th Jan - Uttarayan, 20th January, 22nd January, Dhuleti, Navratri, 17th June, 4th July, 1st August, 4th August, 20th Sept, 25th September and 31st December!

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
Umm, yes.. I am pretty shy person.. hehe

41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Depends on mood.

42. Summer or winter?
Neither! Monsoon.. I Loooooovvvvvvvvvvvvveeee Rains..

43. Holi or Diwali?
Holi. Its when friends enjoy the most. In diwali, its the crackers and the pollution caused by it that drives me away from liking it. Also, the sweet meats and those formality visits in diwali is something I don't quite like. Holi, its the time to just chill out with friends, enjoyy the colours, dhamal, masti.. yayyy.. lolz

44. Do you like your name?
Yeahh.. I do like my name.. Though, sometimes it kinda gets boring to write a loooooong name :-D

45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Physics and Chemistry course books and reference books! lolzzz.. Reading novels is my passion.. I love to read suspense thrillers.. I find peace in reading..

46. What's on your mouse pad?
A mouse and a pencil.

47. What did you watch on TV last night?
Me? TV? I'm sure you are joking! I don't like TV..

48. Favourite Smell?
Haven't thought much about it.. I don't like strong ones, mild ones are cool..

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
Yes, I don't like breaking up with anyone. I believe breaking up is the last option or rather not an option at all in any relationship. There is always some way to improve it rather than breaking it off. But then I'm not the only one who is to decide, it is a mutual decision between myself and my friend.. Can't really do anything if she/he thinks it (friendship) is just not gonna work.

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Being alone. Having nothing to do. Getting over mom's death..

Itz 4:27 pm and I've gotta get back to studies.. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed answering it :-)....

B'bye, Take Care..

Hope to write soon!!

Stuck up in Nothingness

2006-11-15T17:02:00.000+05:30

Hii,
Finally, I'm writing again!
I've been on quite a bumpy ride since my last post precisely - October 7, 2006. Its January 11, 2007 today.
Well, I scored 7 bands in IELTS, which proved a success for a change. Struggled really really hard for getting the visa papers ready. Got them ready F I N A L L Y. Out of all odds, submitted the duely filled application. Was all geared up. Castles in the air. Dreams, wishes. All excited. SMS reply to my request for the status. "Your Passport has been sent through Blue Dart Courier on 24/12/2006.
Couldn't sleep whole night. Eagerly waiting for the courier man. These guys come exceptionally slowly and late when you are most eager to have them knock at your door. around 3pm. Bhabhi calls in full excitement informing me that the courier man has come. I take the parcel with shaky hands sign the reciept, thank the man offer him water. The moment he is gone, I start opening it. Praying constantly. Bhabhi is praying too. I find in it my passport and a letter. I start reading the letter. My face goes white and pale. I come to read that my visa has been R E J E C T E D! ! ! ! What the fuck! How can this happen? WHY did it happen?? Thousands question with no concrete answer. Tears welled my eyes. Bhabhi shocked. Handed the letter over to her. Called up sis knowing it was middle of night there but couldn't stop myself. Told her between sobs what happend. Read the letter to her. All in shocked state of mind. She, but of course half asleep when she was told that.
All the dreams, the wishes that seemed coming true suddenly disappear. I could see them fly away from me. But couldn't do a heck. I was so god damn near success. I was about to kiss success F I N A L L Y. But it seems like "success" doesn't like me all that much. Anyways, I've done with the brooding, sulking and crying over it. Well, and that is in no way going to help me achieve anything other than self pity and false pity!

The fact remains that my Visa got rejected. I am rejected. And I'm back to square one. I can't stop myself from worrying for dad's health and else. Its less than two months for my exam. I'm trying my best to study hard. It might not be as hard as it probably should. First, I'm out of patience, willingness and heart to study the same old shitty books.

I am back to books. Studying day in and day out. A tight schedule and me. Confined myself to the four walls. No cellphone, no friends, no PC for most time. An hour or two in front of the PC at night is the only source of entertainment I'm open to. No, I'm not self pitying.

Tai is coming down to India around Feb. Something like Feb mid week probably. Now Bloody people have started taunting me and telling me to look at the cost of my studies. Tai has to leave her work and all the rest go out of her way and come here for my studies sake. I'm hating all this I'm telling you.

I hate obligations from anyone. She does it out of love for me. But I still don't like it so. Why shoush she or dad go out of their way for my sake?? I mean, WHY?? Why should someone put her other relations on stake and do soo much for me?? Why can I not stand up on my own feet? Who doesn't fall? Who doesn't get bruised? Why should I be all pampered all the time?? I indeed have had a bad fall lately. And nothing but fall. But; But why am I not allowed to come out of it and kiss success on my own?? Why should I be made soo dependent?? I no more want to depend on circumstances of people. All I want is freedom to be self dependent. WHY the fuck am I not allowed the same??? When I demand the same, why do I get sentimental and emotional threats???? And why the fuck do I give in?????

I still am trying to figure out the answers to the endless questions and yet am leading nowhere.

Follow up!

2006-10-07T15:39:00.000+05:30

Now, lemme go back and see how much i've obeyed my resolutions in last 17 days!!

1) Spending less time online, yeahh i do spend less time online!! may be an hour or so less than what i used to.. lolzz.. yeah i do needa improve there...

2) Yeahhh My bill went down to 2870 from 6980!!!! Incoming calls though remained about 4-5 hours a day!! but billing amount going down this billing sure is a positive difference, isnt it??

3) Studying harder, yeahhhh that tooo has improved, scored 8.5 bands in IELTS mock held 3 days back yippiee.. also am studying Physics and chem more sincerely

4) and 5) yeahhh I sure am helping dad and keeping my upper storey cooler :) (success somewhere, good good!!)

6) and 7) I'm sure spending a LOT of time with him!! hehe confronted sissy!! :-s HELP!!

about 8), I still am a lazy bum

9) I have the opportunity knocking at my door, timing is 6::30 am!! I wake up at 5, look at the time think that i'll sleep for 10 more mins and next when my eyes open, its 9:30!! :( :( :(

10) yeahhh i do clean my room every sunday, and its full of mess again till the next saturday!!!!

11) Done!! wrote some 8-10 essays in last few days :)

12) yeah, read only 2 novels lately hehe

13) and 14, no improvement!! :(( :((

15) yeah, after 17 days, i sure am updating my blog!!

16) MUHUhahahahhaahaaa *eveel laff*

Lolzz

Birthday Resolutions

2006-10-07T12:58:00.000+05:30

Sorry to write soooooooooooo late!! preciesely, 17 days after my birthday!!
I obviously had a GREATTTTTT birthday!! my 18th birthday!! the BESTTT day in my life!!!

So, like everyone else, i had made my birthday resolutions..

1) Chat less, spend less time online.

2) Spend less time on phone!

3) Study harder

4) Help Dad

5) Keep my upper storey coooool.

6) Spend more and better time with beloved.

7) Confront sissy and dad as soon as the right time comes!

8) Become more fit and work sincerely HARD for it.

9) Restart basketball and other sports activities.

10) Keep my room clean.. as in no books here and there.. clothes in their RIGHT places.

11) Start writing essays and stuff again.

12) Read less of Novels and more of course books!!

13) Eat healthy and regularly!!

14) STOP being a lazybum!!

15) Update blog REGULARLY.

16) Follow all the above resolutions STRICTLY.. lolz!

WATER POLLUTION

2006-08-25T13:14:00.000+05:30

Water pollution is one of our most serious environmental problems. It occurs when water is contaminated by such substances as human and other animal wastes, toxic chemicals, metals, and oils. Pollution can affect rain, rivers, lakes, oceans, and the water beneath the surface of the earth, called ground water, which feeds springs and wells.

Polluted water may look clean or dirty, but it all contains germs, chemicals, or other materials that can cause inconvenience, illness, or death. Impurities must be removed before such water can be used safely for drinking, cooking, washing, or laundering. Even some industries must clean the water before it can be used in their manufacturing processes.

Water pollution has become a serious problem in most countries, particularly Canada, China, India, Japan, Russia, and the United States. Governments have passed laws limiting the amount and kinds of waste that can be dumped into water. Governments, industries, cities, and towns have spent vast sums of money on research and water treatment plants to reduce pollution. But there are still serious problems. Several large cities release a huge volume of untreated sewage into their harbours or coastal waters. Also, pollution that does not come from a direct point, such as a sewage outlet or factory drain, is largely uncontrolled. These sources of pollution include water that runs off construction sites and farmland and carries sediment (soil particles) and nutrients into streams and lakes.

Sources

There are three chief sources of water pollution: (1) industrial wastes, (2) sewage, and (3) agricultural chemicals and wastes.

Industrial wastes
In developed countries, industries discharge many more pollutants into wastewater than sewerage systems do. These wastewaters contain many toxic chemicals. Much of this chemical waste is discharged directly into water systems. Also, the burning of coal, oil, and other fuels by power plants, factories, and cars produces sulphur and nitrogen oxides. These pollutants cause acid rain, which falls to the earth and enters streams and lakes.

Some industries may pollute water in another way. They use large quantities of water to cool equipment. Heat from the equipment makes the water hot. Electrical power stations often use water to condense steam that has driven the turbines. When discharged into a river or a lake, hot water may cause thermal pollution that can harm plant and animal life.

Sewage consists of human wastes, rubbish, and water that has been used for laundering or bathing. By the year 2020, industrialized countries will probably produce twice as much sewage as they did in 1990. Much of the sewage goes through treatment plants that remove solids and such dissolved substances as nitrogen and phosphorus. Some of it passes through septic tanks before filtering through leaching fields into the land (see SEWAGE [Rural sewerage systems]). The remaining sewage goes untreated directly into waterways or the ocean.

Agricultural chemicals and wastes
Water from rain or melted snow flows from farmland into streams and carries chemical fertilizers and pesticides that farmers have used on the land. Animal wastes also may cause water pollution, particularly from feed lots with large numbers of animals. Cattle, pigs, sheep, and poultry that are being fattened on feed lots do not distribute their wastes over widespread pastures. Instead, much of their wastes runs off into nearby streams. Water used for irrigation may also be polluted by salt, agricultural pesticides, and toxic chemicals on the soil surface before it flows back into the ground.

Effects

Water polluted with human and animal wastes can spread typhoid fever, cholera, dysentery, and other diseases. In many communities, water supplies are disinfected with chlorine to kill disease-causing germs. However, disinfection does not remove chemicals and metals, such as polychlorinated biphenyls (PCB's), chloroform, arsenic, lead, and mercury. The careless release of these toxic wastes, primarily in waste dumps, is seriously threatening ground water supplies. PCB's, chloroform, and pesticides have been found in drinking water supplies in many countries. Scientists are concerned that drinking even small quantities of these substances over many years may have harmful effects.

Pollution prevents people from using and enjoying water for recreation. For example, odours and floating debris make boating and swimming unpleasant, and the risk of disease makes polluted water unsafe. Oil spilled from ships or
from offshore oil wells may float to shore. The oil can cause serious pollution and kill water birds, shellfish, and other wildlife. In addition, water pollution affects fishing, both commercially and for sport. Fish have been killed by oil or by a lack of oxygen in the water. Industrial wastes, particularly PCB's, also harm fish.

Water pollution also upsets various processes that occur naturally in water. These processes, which use the oxygen dissolved in water, help to make wastes harmless. In a process called mineralization, aerobic bacteria break down organic wastes into simpler substances. Some of these substances, such as phosphates and nitrates, serve as nutrients (food) for plants.

Aerobic bacteria use oxygen in the water when breaking down organic wastes. Scientists can find out how much organic matter the water contains by measuring how much oxygen the bacteria use in breaking it down. This measurement is called the biochemical oxygen demand (BOD) of the water. If the water contains too much organic waste, the bacteria will use up most or all of the oxygen in it. Some species of game fish--such as salmon, sturgeon, and trout--will then be unable to live in the water. Fish that need less oxygen, such as carp and catfish, will replace them. If all the oxygen is used up, most aquatic life will be unable to survive.

Too many nutrients in water may lead to a process called eutrophication. Many nutrients result from the natural disintegration of rocks and from mineralization of organic matter. But additional nutrients come from fertilizers draining off farmland, or from detergents or other parts of sewage. All the nutrients fertilize microscopic algae (simple plantlike organisms), as well as such plants as pondweeds and duckweeds. More algae and plants grow as a result of the additional nutrients. As more grow, more also die. Algae and plants respire--that is, they break down food to release energy. They also decay. Both of these processes consume oxygen. In extreme cases, the river or lake may become so eutrophic that all the oxygen dissolved in the water is consumed during part of the day.

Thermal pollution can also reduce the amount of oxygen that dissolves in water. In addition, the high temperature of the water can kill some kinds of plants and fish.

Control

Sewage treatment
The most efficient sewage treatment plants use three separate processes--primary treatment, secondary treatment, and tertiary treatment. But few sewage treatment plants use all three processes. As a result, most treated sewage still contains nutrients, which may cause eutrophication, and chemicals.

Pretreatment of wastes
Industries can reduce pollution by treating wastes to remove harmful chemicals before dumping the wastes into water. Industrial wastes can also be reduced by using manufacturing processes that recover and reuse polluting chemicals.

Drinking water standards
Most countries have standards designed to limit the amount of harmful bacteria, chemicals, and metals in drinking water. In addition, there may be rules to limit the amount of chloroform and other related organic chemicals called trihalomethanes (THM) in the drinking water of large cities. These chemicals are formed at treatment plants when chlorine is added to drinking water to kill disease-causing bacteria. Extended exposure to high levels of THM's, especially chloroform, is thought to increase the risk of cancer.

AIR POLLUTION

2006-08-25T13:10:00.000+05:30

Just did a small research on " Air Pollution"... here it goes...

Air pollution occurs when wastes dirty the air. Artificially created wastes are the main sources of air pollution. They can be in the form of gases or particulates (tiny particles of liquid or solid matter). Such wastes result chiefly from the burning of fuel to power motor vehicles and to heat buildings. They also come from industrial processes and the burning of solid wastes. Natural pollutants (impurities) include dust, pollen, and soil particles. The rapid growth of population and industry, and the increase in the number of motor vehicles and aeroplanes, has made air pollution an increasingly serious problem in many big cities since the 1950's. The air over these cities often becomes so filled with pollutants that it harms the health of people. Air pollution also harms plants, animals, fabrics, building materials, and the economy.

Chief sources of air pollution

Cities that have many coal-burning furnaces and power plants tend to have higher sulphur oxide levels. Cities with more industry tend to have high levels of organic compounds. But in most western cities, car exhausts account for most of the nitrogen oxide and carbon monoxide in the air.

Weather conditions called thermal inversions may enable pollutants to build up over a certain area. A thermal inversion occurs when a layer of warm air settles over a layer of cool air that lies near the ground. This prevents pollutants from rising and scattering, and causes them to collect near the ground. The thermal inversion continues until rain or wind breaks up the layer of stationary warm air, allowing the impurities to rise.

Forms of transportation, such as aeroplanes, cars, ships, and trains, are a leading source of air pollution. Exhaust from engines contains various kinds of harmful pollutants. Such pollutants include carbon monoxide gas, hydrocarbons (compounds of hydrogen and carbon), and nitrogen oxides (compounds of nitrogen and oxygen). Nitrogen oxides in the air help produce a form of oxygen called ozone. Ozone reacts with hydrocarbons to form a type of air pollution known as smog. Smog is a brown, hazy mixture of gases and particulates. It develops when certain gases released by the combustion of petrol and other petroleum products react with sunlight in the atmosphere. This reaction creates harmful chemicals that make up smog.

Fuel combustion for heating homes, office buildings, and factories sharply increases the level of air pollution in urban areas. Furnaces that burn coal or fuel oil give off nitrogen oxides, particulates, and sulphur oxides (compounds of sulphur and oxygen). Electricity generating stations that use these fuels also release such pollutants into the atmosphere.

Industrial processes contribute significantly to air pollution. Industries give off various types of pollutants. For example, factories that produce aluminium expel fluoride dust. Oil refineries discharge ammonia, hydrocarbons, organic acids, and sulphur oxides into the atmosphere.

Burning of solid wastes creates a very visible form of air pollution--thick, black smoke. The burning of leaves, refuse, scrap cars, and other solid wastes is prohibited in some areas.

Other sources of air pollution include chemical sprays, forest fires, and structural fires. Pollution also results from the burning of forest, bush, and grass to clear land for farming.

Many dry-cleaning plants remove dirt from clothing with a chemical called perchloroethylene, a hazardous air pollutant. The burning of rubbish may discharge smoke and heavy metals, such as lead and mercury, into the atmosphere. Most heavy metals are highly poisonous.

One of the chemicals in smog is a toxic form of oxygen called ozone. Exposure to high concentrations of ozone causes headaches, burning eyes, and irritation of the respiratory tract in many individuals. In some cases, ozone in the lower atmosphere can cause death. Ozone can also damage plant life and even kill trees.

Acid rain is a term for rain and other precipitation that is polluted mainly by sulphuric acid and nitric acid. These acids form when gases called sulphur dioxide and nitrogen oxides react with water vapour in the air. These gases come chiefly from the burning of coal, gas, and oil by cars, factories, and power plants. The acids in acid rain move through the air and water and harm the environment over large areas. Acid rain has killed entire fish populations in a
number of lakes. It also damages buildings, bridges, and statues. Scientists believe high concentrations of acid rain can harm forests and soil. Regions
affected by acid rain include large parts of eastern North America, Scandinavia, and central Europe.

Chemicals called chlorofluorocarbons (CFC's) are pollutants that destroy the ozone layer in the upper atmosphere. CFC's are used in refrigerators and air conditioners and to make plastic foam insulation. Ozone, the same gas that is a harmful pollutant in smog, forms a protective layer in the upper atmosphere. It shields the earth's surface from more than 95 per cent of the sun's ultraviolet radiation. As CFC's thin the ozone layer, more ultraviolet radiation reaches the surface of the earth. Overexposure to such radiation damages plants and greatly increases people's risk of skin cancer.

The greenhouse effect is the warming that results when the earth's atmosphere traps the sun's heat. It is created by carbon dioxide, methane, and other atmospheric gases, which allow sunlight to reach the earth but prevent heat from leaving the atmosphere. These heat-trapping gases are often called greenhouse gases.

Fuel burning and other human activities are increasing the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. Many scientists believe such an increase is intensifying the greenhouse effect and raising temperatures worldwide. This increase in temperature, called global warming, may cause many problems. A strong greenhouse effect could melt glaciers and polar icecaps, flooding coastal areas. It could also shift rainfall patterns, creating more droughts and severe tropical storms.

Indoor air pollution occurs when buildings with poorly designed ventilation systems trap pollutants inside. The main types of indoor pollutants are tobacco smoke, gases from stoves and furnaces, household chemicals, small fibre particles, and hazardous fumes given off by building materials, including insulation, glue, and paint. In some office buildings, high amounts of these substances cause headaches, eye irritation, and other health problems in workers. Such health problems are sometimes called sick building syndrome.

Radon, a radioactive gas given off through the decay of uranium in rocks within the earth, is another harmful indoor pollutant. It can cause lung cancer if inhaled in large quantities. People can be exposed to radon when the gas leaks into basements of homes built over radioactive soil or rock. Energy-efficient
buildings, which keep in heated or cooled air, can trap radon indoors and lead to high concentrations of the gas.

Effects of air pollution

Health
When people breathe polluted air, the impurities often remain in their lungs. These impurities can worsen such respiratory ailments as asthma and bronchitis. Laboratory tests have associated some pollutants with the formation of cancer, pneumonia, and emphysema. In London in 1952, about 4,000 people died of respiratory diseases during a "killer smog." A total of more than 600 people died as a result of thermal inversions that occurred in New York City in 1953 and 1963. By the late 1980's, such cases of killer smog became rare, due to the introduction of tougher emissions standards and better monitoring.

Agriculture
Air pollution causes severe damage to crops and livestock in countries with heavy industries and crowded roads. Plants will not grow alongside many roads
in these countries because vehicle exhaust fumes kill them. Air pollution can damage fruit, vegetable and grain crops.

Other effects
Metals, concrete, rubber, limestone, roofing, and even nylon stockings deteriorate faster because of air pollution. Steel surfaces, for example, may wear away as much as 30 times faster in a city with polluted air than in a rural area where there is little air pollution.

Control of Air Pollution

Air pollution from such stationary sources as factories, furnaces, incinerators, and power stations can be reduced in several ways. For example, a plant can install equipment designed to limit the amount of pollutants given off. It can change to a method of manufacture or of burning fuel that causes less air pollution. Or the plant can switch to a cleaner fuel. In some cases, plants must use a combination of these steps to reduce air pollution.

Controlling the pollution emitted by cars and trucks involves changing the way engines operate, changing the ingredients in fuel, and adding pollution control
devices to the vehicle. Manufacturers and refiners are working in all of these areas to find good ways of controlling pollution. In addition, research is underway to develop alternative engines that are driven by electricity, methanol, natural gas, steam, or other energy sources that create less air pollution.

Increasingly, national and local governments are passing laws and setting requirements designed to control pollution. They issue information on the effects of air pollutants and the techniques available for controlling them. They set goals called air quality standards for achieving clean air. They then must enforce control measures to meet the goals. Governments may act directly against polluters if they fail to obey the regulations.

The control measures include emission standards, which restrict the amount of pollution from factories and other sources of pollution. Governments also set emission standards for motor vehicles. In many countries, to meet these emission standards, new cars must be equipped with control devices called catalytic converters.

Floods in Baroda - continued...

2006-08-22T16:44:00.000+05:30

In "Vishwamitri" area

The railway bridge near station..

Floods in Baroda - Kalaghoda

2006-08-22T12:24:00.000+05:30

Floods in Baroda - From Sayaji Garden..

2006-08-21T18:58:00.000+05:30

In the deer cage, deers try to be on the highest point coz the rest cage is filled with water

Planeterium in water!!

Floods in Baroda - Near Narhari Hospital

2006-08-21T18:22:00.000+05:30

2006-08-09T16:50:00.000+05:30

STRICT PARENTAL CONTROL IS MUST FOR TODAY’S TEENAGERS

 Well, you guys may be against me, but I am against the motion.

 The teachers today teach but they give so much home work that when the student returns home from school; does not have time to waste. He shares with parents what happened and what happened not in school and then sits for studies. He is awake till late night and wakes up early. He is constantly under tension of completing his homework within the stipulated time which is so less.

 Today there is so much competition in the world that the student has to work really very hard to come out with flying colours in any exams. Even for getting good job with good pay in future, the teenager has to work god damn hard from his secondary education itself. He has to gain good marks.

 Today’s teenagers are so practical that there is no need for parents to keep control on them. They control themselves.

 As far as I know, today’s teenagers have the tendency to save money to buy gifts for parents, siblings, friends other loved ones or deposit it in bank or utilize it in some or other good way.

 Now-a-days, if the parents are strict towards their wards, the wards get all the more spoilt. It is a human tendency to do what u r denied to! They bunk lectures. Go to discos and booze parties regularly. Get addicted to smoking, alcohol and drugs. They do all this behind the backs of their parents.

 Excess pressure bursts out. It is like blowing air in a balloon out of its capacity. When we blow air in a balloon which is already completely filled with air, it bursts. In the same way he tension of homework and parents pressure tends the teenager to revolt.

 The outcome is that either the student becomes absolutely inactive, remains depressed and stays quite or he becomes aggressive and rude and gets spoilt.

 Today’s parents should try to understand their wards’ caliber and capacity and have expectations accordingly and not pressurize the students. Let them indulge into other extra curricular activities so that the students remain fresh and not crib about studies.

1990-04-15T12:30:00.001+05:30

‘MOTHERS SHOULD NOT BE WORKING LADIES’

• In our society, though women share the responsibilities outside home with men, men do not always share the responsibilities with women at home.
• Her work or job should be such that it allows her to have time and space for herself and family.
• Therefore mothers have too much work to do which leads to stress and exhaustion.
• They are not able to share time for themselves, their children and family.
• They cannot pay attention as to what their children study, about their behavior, their health etc.
• Working women try to overcome the lack of time through gifts and other means like extravagant gifts, as a result children of working mothers are more likely to be pampered and spoilt.
• Also the children are interested to ayas or baby-sitters which are not likely to be trained or have any affection for the children. Some times their behavior towards children is very harsh and the children become timid.
• These aspects have negative impact on the physiology of the child. The child may not have anybody to talk with, when he really needs to talk to open his mind. Eventually the child becomes aloof and the distance between the child and the mother develops. There is a lack of attachment for home. The child is likely to become a depressed, introward loner or extra-vagant. There is always a danger that a child may fall in bad company. Therefore for the child’s proper development, mother’s affection and presence of her in the house is very nessary. And so I feel mothers must not be working ladies.

1990-04-15T12:30:00.000+05:30

TOPIC: TODAYS EDUCATION- PLEASURE OR BURDEN

The word "EDUCATION" is derived from the Latin word "EDUCERE" which means 'to draw out'. Education draws out the latent faculties of the individual.

Many people think education to be burden, but I think it to be the best pleasure. In the today's world, education just means mugging up the answers & sums - putting them on answersheets - gain highest marks & then forget what you knew. If this is so, then education is just time-pass & burden. But if you really try to understand the concept & practically do things that you are taught to you by your teachers, then education is most beautiful pleasure in the world.

It is said that in some schools, there are teachers who go to schools but they do not go to classes to teach & at the end of the semester they run their course or give lessons & lessons for self-study to the students. Then this becomes the burden for students. In this case, I am fortunate or rather I should say we are fortunate, to have teachers like Preeti ma'am, Mukta Ma'am & Koli Ma'am. They see to it that they explain the lessons in such a way that all the students understand what they explain & they always ready to solve the difficulties of students. I don't say that only these three teachers are affectionate & they solve our difficulty, all my teachers do the same.

Learning a language & its grammar can make you fluent in speech. Fluent and grammatically correct speech can help in creating a good impression about a person, and one may even get a good job and earn a lot.

A subject like civics, should be known by all future citizens of the country. It helps the individual and his or her country progress.

With the help of education today man has reached the moon and some of the planets, too. We are living luxurious and progressed life, due to education. Education has been helping man in scientific discoveries and inventions. Due to education, there are lot many medicines curing different diseases.

Thus, education in real sense is the greatest pleasure in whole world.